Xander moved quickly in the back, not quite a jog but definitely a power walk. He needed a break. He didn’t want to linger, opening himself up for intrusion by his comrades. The confetti, the sparkles, the kindergarten girl’s birthday party magic, and most of all, the goddamn obscure absurdness that spewed forth from Nicole’s being drove him batshit. Not once since he met her he had found the opportunity to relax. Her personality suffocated him. Overbearing. He resented that he couldn’t hate her despite all the annoyance. Working with her ultimately rendered him a purebred at a dogshow, having to jump through hoops and round other obstacles. To think he had misinterpret Dillusion’s plea. Xander didn’t need to train Nicole; she was already contracted by SCW, having multiple runs before this latest. While he saw glaring flaws in her unorthodox style, what she lacked she made up with effort. Dillusion simply wanted to see his protege achieve her dreams. The contract one earned from winning the Trios Tournament would earn her the opportunity to do just that.
Then there was Gavin, who Xander saw right through. Everything had to be a contest, a competition. Xander considered himself to be ultra-competitive but Gavin took the cake. Even in the silly drills that Ducky led them through, Gavin wanted to perform better than Xander despite most of their team building activities didn’t have a metric to compare each other. He found a bridge over that gap. That also grated his nerves. But they were his teammates. He hadn’t enjoyed such a bond amongst peers since high school football, even then that was strained compared to the budding partnership within Team SUP. In the past, he had used intimidation and manipulation to piece together alliances; however, Team SUP started to build up cohesion. Maybe Nicole’s loony toons mannerisms and stupid ideas succeeded in preparing them for what’s to come.
But everyone needed ‘me’ time, even the Executioner.
Xander entered his locker room. He opened his mouth to make a comment to Hunter about the night’s proceedings. His skin slippery slick with sweat from his brief encounter with Tsunami made him want a shower badly. He realized she wasn’t there. Finding this odd, he checked the stalls and found no one present. Panic raced through Xander. Did James Evans pay a visit? Did he abduct her? Xander paced. Then in the corner of his eye, he noticed a bright object on the bench. Upon further inspection, he determined that it was an old video cassette colored a bright mustard yellow. Who owns a VCR these days? Trying to ward off the 90s allure of the object, he lifted up the yape. Scrawled across the plastic in the sharpie were the words: “Stick It In The Slot, BB!”. Armed with a sense of urgency, he left the locker room with tape in hand. He needed to find a VCR. Answers had to be on the tape.
“Wooo! Movie night!” Ducky squealed as Xander turned a corner. She almost got caught in the undertow of his rush. “It has to be good, it’s yellow!”
“Not now. I’m busy.”
“Aww shucks. I really wanted to add more movies to my collection.”
“Wait, you have a VCR?”
“Of course! What is this? A third world country!? Come on, everyone has a V-C-R!” Ducky argued. Xander knew she had to be factually incorrect, believing that the third world today probably had more VCRs in homes than the developed world. Xander didn’t hold her ignorance against her, she had a lot on her hands, balancing all that insanity is a heavy burden to bear. He knew.
“You do? I need to borrow it.”
“It’s at home.”
“Where’s home?”
“Wherever Wally’s at,” Nicole said. “You’re not really thinking smart tonight.”
“What’s that?” Gavin entered the fray. He swiped the tape out of Xander’s hand. “Is that what we’re doing next? A movie night? If so, I rather watch an inspirational biopic than any silly comedies or stupid horrors. Let’s do Remember the Titans!”
“Horror movies aren’t stupid!” Ducky came in for the genre’s defense. Xander really didn’t have time to get involved in a silly debate when Hunter’s well being might be at stake here. He braced for the worse. James Evans decided to go SAW.
“I highly doubt this is a movie. I need to see what’s on the tape first to know what it is,” Xander corrected his two teammates. He didn’t want to cause a panic about Hunter’s disappearance. Not yet at least. He doubted these two could help either way. “The problem is, I don’t know where the closest VCR is.”
“I have one at home.”
“SEE! Everyone has a VCR,” Nicole defended her previous stance. Xander might have found the only two people in the entire company that had a VCR as their prized belonging.
“When I feel kinda down, I pop in some of my college tape and revel in the glory years. Not to say that they’re not still ongoing but you know what I mean. You do the same, right? Right, guys?” Gavin put that personal detail out there. No one reacted. Ducky got distracted by a penny stuck to the floor. Xander didn’t care, obviously distracted by his current dilemma. Gavin shrugged, missing out on that human connection that he needed in that moment of vulnerability.
“Pst. Pst. Hey mister, over here!” Xander turned to see a shadowy league figure in the nearby janitor’s closet. Even in the shadows, he recognized that it was Dillusion in a trench coat. A big pair of shades consumed most of his face. What did he want now? The last thing he needed was another crazy pestering him while he looked for Hunter. “I heard you’re in need of a home entertainment system. You’re just in luck. I have my setup in here…”
“Not now. I’m in the middle of some shit.”
“Hey, that’s no way to treat a kind stranger. You said you’re looking for a VCR, well there’s one in here,” Dillusion answered. This perked Xander’s interest. What a coincidence that when Xander needed a VCR for the first time in 22 years that Dillusion was on site with one.
“See, EVERYONE has a VCR,” Ducky took her victory lap by running around Xander as he stood in place, contemplating his next move. Everything seemed very fishy to him. He released a sigh, approached the closet. Inside was a TV on a cart that you would find in high school classrooms during the 90s. A bright yellow VCR sat underneath the TV.
“Tape please?” Dillusion reached his hand out.
“Yesh! Movie night! You’re the best stranger I met since the one guy in the van that gave me free candy!” Ducky sang, frollicking into the room. Once seated, she bounced up and down.
Xander and Gavin stood behind the too excited Ducky. A bright blue screen greeted them. White, slightly blurry font welcomed them:
HI KIDS, DO YOU WANT TO PLAY A GAME?
YES? GOOD! HERE WE GO ON AN ADVENTURE! ^_^
The screen fades to black, at least that was what the subtitles read. The dark picture brightened until Xander could make out the scene. They were the same as his current surroundings, the same exact janitor’s closet. The timestamp was a mere thirty minutes before thi moment. Tied in a chair with a gag in her mouth, Hunter struggled against her bondage. Her features had been bleached out by the night vision but he knew they belonged to her. Xander’s heart jumped out of his chest. Behind her, a figure came into view. Xander’s face withered in concern and confusion. That was Dillusion, not James. He only had on an obviously fake mustache to conceal his identity? Was he stupid? Xander turned to confront Dillusion but the man poofed in midair.
Xander’s attention went back to the screen when words crackled out, “Gentlemen and Duck, my name is Don Dillusionero. I took your precious Artemis and you will never see her again unless you follow my instructions to the tee!”
“Wow, only a few seconds in and this actor is killing it! He looks just like a villain!” Nicole commented. “I wonder what other films he is in! Com’on, look it up on the interwebs, guys!”
“But us made men follow a code of honor, I will give you all my word that I will not harm the princess unless you fail me. Follow the clues and if you get to end, she will be waiting for you, safe and sound, tucked in and read her favorite bedtime stories,” Don Dillusionero declared. Xander instantly groaned. This has to be one ebolorate prank. Xander didn’t have time for this. Knowing that Hunter was in Dillusion’s care, he didn’t feel as worried as before. Dillusion might be an idiot but he wasn’t a bad guy. “And if you don’t… I’ll KEEL her. CUT her up, SLICE and DICE, put her body bits into a burrito and top it off with an extra helping of gauc! Look in the envelope under the TV for your first set of instructions. Until then… Hasta la vista, baybay!”
The video tape stopped with a loud click. Ducky released a sob, utterly disappointed that move night was already over. Xander pushed her aside, reached underneath the TV stand and pulled free a manilla envelope. Xander examined the contents. “What does this even mean? Damn it, when I get my hands around Dillusion’s throat, I’m going to strangle him.”
“What are you talking about, Willis? Why do you hate on Dilly? DILLY IS GOD. I’ll cut you, son!” Ducky threatened. Flash of metal was in her hand, but instead of a knife, she had a spork. She started practicing her stabbing motions.
“He took Hunter. You watched the video. He wants to play a game. He’s messing with us like we have all the fucking time in the world,” Xander answered.
Ducky stopped in her tracks, paused to do some heavy thinking. She lightly knocked on her own skull as if that would speed up the processing power of her brain. A lightbulb went off above her head and she jumped. “Nuh-huh! DIlly would never do that! You saw it yourself, that man… Don Dillusionero, he’s the bad guy here! Not Dilly!”
“That was definitely Dillusion.”
Ducky screamed. She dropped the spork in her moment of rage and instead formed a claw. She came swiping at Xander, like a cat batting at its family’s dog, but Xander caught both arms. Unfortunately, he couldn’t catch her legs too and she started kicking his shin! Xander looked back at Gavin, expecting some backup but he started at the blank TV screen, his jaw dropped. He raised his hands slowly as if he was strangling someone. He reached for the TV screen but realized how pointless that was.
“Hey, a little help here?” Xander called on Gavin. He didn’t move. A moment later, Ducky lost interest in kicking Xander. She went on to study Gavin who ignored them both. “You okay?”
That triggered something inside of Gavin. His eyebrows turned inwards. His face reddened. He shook with rage. “That no-good son of a bitch took her! He took her!”
“I didn’t know you cared that much for her,” Xander said. He never saw Gavin interact with Hunter so their familiarity came as a surprise. Gavin stepped back, shaking his head, looking fairly distraught at this turn of events. Xander gained a little more respect for Gavin’s obvious compassion in his situation. Maybe he wasn’t as bad of a person as he initially thought. Maybe Xander was wrong about him.
“Of course, I care! That little league trophy was my first love. For the first time in my life, I understood how truly great I was and I was recognized for it. That was an eye opening moment for young Gavin. That trophy reminded me to stay hungry, to strive for better. That’s why I kept my baby front and center on the mantle in my living room. Everytime I look at it, it reminds me of how superb an athlete I am,” Gavin said. He looked on with a blank stare. Nope, Xander had been right about him. He wasn’t a good person. He didn’t care about Hunter’s plight, he worried far more over a participation trophy. Left speechless, all Xander could do was to stare daggers at his teammate. Xander hadn’t even noticed a trophy in the entire short clip but it had to be there to get such a reaction.
“Where did he go,” Xander asked.
“Who?” Ducky’s response failed to satisfy Xander, only making him angerier.
“Dillusion.”
“You see him too? I thought I was the only one who sees him, but right now, he’s in Jerry! AND sometimes, I see his spirit floating around in the back halls of the arenas like he’s some sort of guardian ninja angel!”
“He was right here. He was the one who led us in here,” Gavin explained.
“No, that was a kind stranger! You two really can’t tell people apart, can you? Dilly isn’t here here, unless you count here as here,” Nicole patted her heart, indicating that there was a little bit of Dillusion in all of them. That didn’t calm Xander but did the opposite. Ducky had to be in on this. This screamed all her. Another one of her pointless, wasteful team building exercises that yielded nothing.
“You really can’t see through his very lazy disguises? You are bullshitting me. You’re probably in on this,” Xander accused Ducky. Ducky gasped in shock at the accusation before baring her fangs. She came at Xander again, this time he held out his arm and kept her at a distance. She threw punches and kicks trying to hit Xander but failed to reach.
“Lies!”
“The facepaint was the same. He only had a fake mustache that you could probably pick up at the dollar store during halloween. And then just a moment, he was right here wearing some sunglasses and a trench coat. That could have been no one but Dillusion. He couldn’t have gone far, he has responsibilities backstage,” Gavin said. He looked up, Xander saw that he was doing the math in his head. He stopped, hummed and nodded. “That was definitely him.”
“Dillusion works here? Why hasn’t anyone told me that!”
“You must have known that. Stop playing stupid,” Xander stated.
“I’m not stupid! I think you both are stupid! Let’s just say that these men did really look like Dillusion. I bet they are his evil twin or something. He always spoke about his dark side and that had to be it! His evil twin!” Ducky reconciled the truth with her delusion. Xander and Gavin exchanged a look. Both men knew this was a battle they weren’t going to win so they settled for the draw.
“So Dillusion—”
“Don Dillusionero,” Ducky corrected Xander.
“He took Hunter. He took Gavin’s participation trophy. And left a clue that makes absolutely no sense,” Xander assessed the situation. Gavin took the clue from Xander’s hand, held it up against the light. He strained his eyes, trying to make sense of it.
“Oh! That’s so OBVIOUS. What drugs are you both on? Because if you’re holding out, I will be very disappointed,” Ducky stated. She jumped up, snatched the clue and held it out.
“What does it mean?”
“Like I said, it was so simple! Why should I tell you guys!? You’ve been mean to me!”
Having reached the end of his patience, Xander placed his hands on Ducky’s sides. He squeezed her. She batted her eyes at him before screaming in his face. Xander immediately slapped his hand over her mouth but she bit him. Recoiling, Ducky placed her hand beside her mouth.
“RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!” Nicole yelled. Xander threw up his hands. Gavin cut in and grabbed Xander by the shirt. The two of them stared each other down while Ducky stepped back. She changed her chant, “FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!”
“Get a hold yourself, Xander,” Xander thought the warning came from Gavin, but it came from behind him. Gavin looked over his shoulder and Dillusion’s face was on the screen again. He still had a fake mustache, this one was straight up Colonel Cluster. He also wore a cowboy hat. He tipped his hat towards his captivated audience. “I had a feeling this turn of events would get you bothered, good sir. I believe they call it ‘possessiveness’. First, Cali. Now, Hunter. I reckon you’re looking to get some vengeance but you shouldn’t lash out at those around you. Especially those who have been tasked with the honorable duty of being your comrade. Now partner, I suggest you apologize to your company and do what you must do to get yer lady back safe and sound.”
“Bye mister!” Ducky waved towards the screen.
“Bye Ducky.” Cowboy Dillusion formed a heart with his hands before the VCR turned off again. How did he do that? The words froze Xander’s rage. He stopped, reflected. He felt Dillusion alluded to something important about himself. Maybe his reaction wasn’t the right one. The more he thought about it, the more a headache seized his consciousness.
“Heehaw Dillusion is right. We’re a team. We stick together,” Gavin said.
“Agreed! Mr. Cowboy was so true! Even if you people are jerkfaces sometimes, we’re a team!” She rubbed her sides. Xander issued her a look but turned away, cursing under his breath. Now he felt ashamed. He thought he had got his anger in check but whatever this was that Dillusion orchestrated, it revealed how easy his buttons could be pressed. He went to punch the steel door but stopped, lightly tapping it instead. Ducky noticed Xander’s anguish, “Okie, okie. If you’re that upset, I’ll let you in on the big secret.”
Xander looked back, softening his expression. She stretched out the clue. “See, Poop Emoji, Paint can with Rainbow Swirls, and Sprinkles!”
“I don’t get it,” Xander admitted.
“I do. Xander’s girl is trapped in a shit sundae during pride week!”
“Close but no. It’s ICE CREAM!” Ducky screamed for ice cream. “The next clue is obviously located at ice parlors. I bet you that we’ll find the next clue at one! Let’s go! GOOGLE-UBER-AWAY!”
“There are probably a hundred ice cream shops in Houston!”
“Well, we better get going!” Ducky started marching. Xander and Gavin both placed hands on their hips. Collectively, they sighed, shaking their heads at the girl.
“Kids these days grow up so fast, dad,” Gavin commented. He sniffed before patting Xander on the shoulder. Xander elbowed him in the side before following after Ducky. He had a feeling that this was just an elaborate excuse to get Nicole Kinneck celebratory ice cream for a good match.
Once Team SUP left, Dillusion pulled back black curtain that divided the janitor’s closet in half. Hunter stepped up beside him. She hugged herself. She had quite the reaction to being tied up again for the first time since that one fateful day she met Xander. The terror had rendered her face sweat and clammy. She spent a lot of energy during the ordeal. But she had to face her fears. And Dillusion helped her with that.
“About the ropes thing, you didn’t have to go through it. Remember kids, consent is a requirement, not an option,” Dillusion said. He dusted his hands off. Dillusion walked over to the VCR to pop out the tape. “I’m serious.”
“I think I needed this. This made me stronger.”
“I’m relieved. But also, all of this, I think it was a major success! You’ve been the best assistant this magician could ask for.” Dillusion bowed. He had convinced Hunter that for Xander’s team to succeed, they needed to unite. So far, the shared entrance and the other silliness were just window dressing. They needed to face adversity together. They needed to strengthen their bond. Hunter saw it, she saw their match. They were disjointed.
“I think this will be a learning experience for Xander.”
“I’m glad someone agreed. Most people see me as a man with a few loose screws but I always consider myself a mad genius.”
“So what now?”
“Well, we can’t just let them have all the fun and eat all the ice cream,” Dillusion, the Wizard of Oz himself, answered.
Executioner's Plight 